A strange twist of fate today. I was on bus 30, still at the interchange. For about 30 mins the bus's engine could not work. In the end, all the bus passengers have to take another bus. And guess who I saw?

My dad!

If I were to take the previous bus, I would have never saw him.

Destiny works in strange ways.

The auntie in Giftland has seriously undermined my buying factor. She indirectly taunted me that I am poor and should buy photo albums from the cheaper section. I did not buy my album there.

As I'm searching for my old neocard, I unerathed ancient memories...

I remember when I was just a little boy, how nasty I was...

My godmother was very doting to me. She gave me everything I wanted: toys, games, food, everything I desire. But I did not return the love. I was rude. I was unfillial. Even till now.
I remember when I was 13. She gave me a soft toy which I don't like at all. I whined loudly in front of her, throwing the toys on the floor: 'what a lousy toy! I don't want it.'

It must have broken her heart.

To her relatives, I am known as the 'nasty godchild', always the one causing the trouble. I was nothing but a spoilt brat.

I was a bad child. Now, before and forever will be. I don't want to be bad. I want to be good! But can a leopard ever change its spots?

My mom never allowed me to keep anything of value when I was young. I was always losing things then: wallets, toys, papers. Even if I managed to keep a thing, it will disintegrate the moment I touch it. I destroy everything I touch: toys, chairs... The only way I can keep something safe and sound is to forget about it. I feel so pathetic about myself.

I am a living disaster who recently got a conscience.

And I hate it.

Why? Why? Why?

Am I to suffer like this? Dagger to stab my heart everytime?

I was a disaster once, without a conscience. Please make me one again. Why must I live my life with a conscience?

But life isn't so bad.

Now, at least I have real friends. Friends who care. Friends who don't care only about their own well being. Good friends.

Could this be all I have?

No. I have a supportive family. One who cares, dote on me, and loves me.

Yes, that is enough for me.

Are they not?

I really don't know. Mom always say that I never appreciates thing that I already have. Not now not ever. Could this be? Am I to doomed to die a lousy person, unloved, uncared for?

Self-control: From young I lack of it. When I was young, my mom's cane was my self-control. But now?
Self control: Is it the bane of my life? Can I ever get a hold of it?

Can I?

Only time will tell.