Sometimes people in something unconsciously, so much so that they themselves are affected by what it themsleves.
Foe example, when someone is angry against a person in secret, but does not admit this fact to themselves. This cause hate to slowly grow. First anger, then hate, which will in turn lead to personal suffering.
Can you name 3 positive qualities about yourself, and 3 negative qualities as well? I find it hard to name the 3 positive qualities.
Is it because I wish to be humble?
The answer is no. The reason why I find it so hard to find 3 positive qualities is because Ihave finally wish to be myself, and not get lost in self-delusion again. When one has been someone else for years, you lose bearings on being the true you, and thus become confused and bewildered. This will in turn make you sad and miserable spiritually, which is the state which I am in now. All I can do now is to hope to salvage what is left from my original personality in my consciousness.
I am very comfortable with my friends Amalina, Wirna Nora and Pek Yong.
However, I am not comfortable with the rest of my friends. This I don't know why.
Am I having reservations on talking? Have I become so fearful of failure that I do not dare to talk to others for fear of offending them? I must stop this practice at once cause it will cause me to lose more friends. But this is embedded deep in my soul: to change it will be difficult.
I don't like to be lonely, that is why I am afraid of the dark, as well as afraid of the rain. it is also why I hate being surrounded by concrete places. In places where there are plants are have no fear, cause I feel a sense of closeness with plants, as if they are protecting me.
I am not claustrophobic.
I feel fearful of bugs. Why is that? The reason is because I fear things that I cannot stop. I cannot kill bugs as they defile me with their foul smelling blood. Sometimes life presents situations that you can do somethin about it but if you do something else that is worse happens to you. So you have to suffer for the remainder of the time.
I want to succeed, but what is the price for success? It is very high. Can I pay it? Yes, but it will cost me something more. It is hard trying to be human AND be top student at the same time. At least for me.
May Fate show me the path.