Heiz. My birthday is like 1 day away, and the revelations starts coming in... The pains of the past, the sufferings of the present and the doubts of the future... all creeping up on me. Birthdays have that kind of effect on people.

Mr Sua's lesson has made me reconsider my choice to be a turf manager. Must I give up my family for a career? How can I survive in the cutthroat world? I don't know, yet Fate has brought us together so that I will make the right choices.

FiveP has come a long way, and tommorrow we are going to give STM a presentation which will determine the funds for us. How far can we go? Will our passion last long? These are all unknowns. But one thing is for sure: I can make me feel the way I want to. I will be the passion (provided I find it a cause worthy of passion =p)

I am surrounded by people who care. Ms Kan, Mr Saiful, Mr Chow, Jing Xiu, Kuan Liang, Germaine and family... its a good feeling. If one needs a reason to live, they can always find it in their loved ones. I may be mercernery, but I never forget a favour. I always do things for my own benefit. It is what I say to everyone. But this does not equate to me doing backstabbing things, or bad things, or not heping people. To me, helping some people can further some goals of mine, like self actualisation (you have no idea how enlightening helping people can be). I feel that helping people helps me to know myself better, bit by bit. That's why I have a high percentage of helping people.

Sometimes, you want things that you can't get. This, to me, is the cause of suffering.
But not pursuing this perverted dreams will also cause suffering. This is suffering from the temptation.
Persuing the dream but stop halfway will cause suffering. This is suffering from addiction.
Hard stopping yourself from persuing the dream, but fail will surely lead to suffering. This is suffering from desperation.
Persuing dreams without thinking will cause suffering. This is suffering from impulsion.
Thinking about dreams to much is also a cause of suffering. This is suffering from inaction.

I have goals. But now I lack focus. Focus comes from understanding, which I know I lack.

My friends did some predictions for me. Tarot, Cardcaptor Cards, Poker, and it proved accurate. I guess Fate's blessings are with them (or with me, as I received accurate predictions). According to one of the prediction, I must end a cycle of hate so that I will not be devoured by it. Now, I have currently 2 cycles of hate in my life. But I will resolve these hate with boundless love and faith, as that is Fate's Will.

There is a reason for everything. And life is about finding that reason.