Recently has been very tiring for me, like I've only slept for 3 hours from 3.15am to 6.45am as the live firing was dragged and dragged. The whole week its super mental torture. And the matador carrying during section movement... its super tiring for me. Me, the weakest man in my group, has to carry the 8.9kg matador. Sometimes the shitty thing will make me fall down when I high kneel. And hit my head when I prone too fast, or when I adjust myself during proning. Bless the helmet. Wherever I prone I seem to be on top of some ant nest or frog eggs or pools of water. Its super shitty.

I've been very slow and weak these few days as well. And my 'stupid' persona is starting to get on other peoples nerves. Maybe I should be myself now?

The people here are all very vulgar and harsh in the way they speak. Its verbal competition at every turn, with mannish teasing to determine the alpha male. Not my cup of tea. Somewhere in my mind I don't really want to join in the festivities as that would put me down to their inferior levels. But then I've to see their faces for the next 1 year 9 months. So must build amiable relationships. Lets not step on any toes shall we?

My back really prevents me from feeling well. There is persistent 'tiring' feeling that I get when i sit for more than 3 mins cross legged. Then I parallel my legs and in another 3 mins I'll be tired again. Its really frustrating. The aching... terrible. I don't know how I'll survive AIT in this manner. Perhaps its time for mind over matter... But I don't like to strain my body...

Fate bless my journey.